Vagus Nerve stress & anxiety
4. Why you don't have to be calm to be regulated
Regulating your nervous system does not mean becoming calm; it means becoming connected.
Societal expectations pressure you to feel as though you should appear calm and in control at all times. However, this is not how nervous systems work and does a disservice to honoring the importance and value of the other nervous system states and their many hybrids.
The nervous system is not just fight, flee or freeze. In fact, like you, your nervous system states are complex.
From a vagus-nerve perspective you have ventral vagal, which is safe and social (that is our connected state); you have the sympathetic, which is fight-or-flight; and the dorsal vagal, which is shut down or freeze. You also have these beautiful hybrid states.
For example, when you are giving a presentation or challenging your friend to a race you'll need a hybrid of ventral vagal connection and sympathetic fight-or-flight. And when you are meditating or being with a partner, you'll use a hybrid of ventral vagal connection and dorsal vagal shut down.
How do you define regulated or connected? The ability to hold mindful awareness of whatever emoions you are eperiencing while maintaining access to higher centers of the brain to remain grounded and connected in order to make decisions respond.
You can be angry and still connected to yourself. You can be overwhelmed and still be connected to yourself in your overwhelm and in your anxiety and your sadness. You can be connected to yourself in your fear.
It is neurobiologically and behaviorally possible to be highly aroused and still be regulated and contained within one's window of tolerance. Discerning the difference between regulated activation of emotions as information and triggered states of emotional dysregulation that lie beneath awareness is a critical distinction.
When we show up in relationships with the intent to be present with another person, it can sometimes look messy rather than calm in its presentation. When "messy"is authentic and connected, and therfore regulated, even those moments can ultimately have the impact of repair, reconnection and security.
The human brain and our entire being (whether in children or adults) are designed for connection with a deep desire to be felt by others. We all need to be seen, valued, and met within our relationships.
The foundational trinity for connection is grounding, orienting and resourcing.
GROUNDING is coming down to earth, feeling our bodies in relationship to the ground beneath us.
ORIENTING is the process of becoming aware of our location in time and space.
RESOURCING refers to accessing our resources or 'becoming resourced". Recourses could be sensations, emotions, colors, places, people, sounds, animals - anything that shifts your state in a positive direction toward a sense of well-being, safety, gratitude, grounding, compassion, empowerment or inspiration.
Societal expectations pressure you to feel as though you should appear calm and in control at all times. However, this is not how nervous systems work and does a disservice to honoring the importance and value of the other nervous system states and their many hybrids.
The nervous system is not just fight, flee or freeze. In fact, like you, your nervous system states are complex.
From a vagus-nerve perspective you have ventral vagal, which is safe and social (that is our connected state); you have the sympathetic, which is fight-or-flight; and the dorsal vagal, which is shut down or freeze. You also have these beautiful hybrid states.
For example, when you are giving a presentation or challenging your friend to a race you'll need a hybrid of ventral vagal connection and sympathetic fight-or-flight. And when you are meditating or being with a partner, you'll use a hybrid of ventral vagal connection and dorsal vagal shut down.
How do you define regulated or connected? The ability to hold mindful awareness of whatever emoions you are eperiencing while maintaining access to higher centers of the brain to remain grounded and connected in order to make decisions respond.
You can be angry and still connected to yourself. You can be overwhelmed and still be connected to yourself in your overwhelm and in your anxiety and your sadness. You can be connected to yourself in your fear.
It is neurobiologically and behaviorally possible to be highly aroused and still be regulated and contained within one's window of tolerance. Discerning the difference between regulated activation of emotions as information and triggered states of emotional dysregulation that lie beneath awareness is a critical distinction.
When we show up in relationships with the intent to be present with another person, it can sometimes look messy rather than calm in its presentation. When "messy"is authentic and connected, and therfore regulated, even those moments can ultimately have the impact of repair, reconnection and security.
The human brain and our entire being (whether in children or adults) are designed for connection with a deep desire to be felt by others. We all need to be seen, valued, and met within our relationships.
The foundational trinity for connection is grounding, orienting and resourcing.
GROUNDING is coming down to earth, feeling our bodies in relationship to the ground beneath us.
ORIENTING is the process of becoming aware of our location in time and space.
RESOURCING refers to accessing our resources or 'becoming resourced". Recourses could be sensations, emotions, colors, places, people, sounds, animals - anything that shifts your state in a positive direction toward a sense of well-being, safety, gratitude, grounding, compassion, empowerment or inspiration.